The title of the post should have been "5 things people can't stand about you". Oh but that's way too harsh!, Instead, I'd rather steer you through the stormy winds of university society through gentler waters.
What does this have to do with studying science? A lot! Scientists are notorious for being incredibly, socially awkward... just take a look at me (j/k). Lab life, intense focus and high levels of intellectualism can often make people distant, rude and incomprehensible. You're time in university can lead to life-long friendships, a huge network of useful contacts and much more. It's therefore really important you take care to avoid these things that are sure to repel people away.
1) Negative attitude, negative words
Nobody likes to be around complainers and naggers, the grumpy and grudgeful. These people carry their own personal thunder clouds above their heads and soak their companions till they are bitterly cold. Instead of berating your teachers, students or the place you're living in, decide to focus on the positive things you're experiencing. If you're prone to using vulgar speech, start making an effort to speak politely. One of the first negative things that'll strike me about a person is vulgar talk and believe me this will severely limit your ability to land decent jobs. You're in university to learn how to enter the professional and civil world. So act like it!
2) Always talking about yourself
The narcissist. We all love ourselves, at least I hope you do! Make sure to take the time to appreciate your peers, ask how they are, get to know them, and be genuinely concerned for their issues. Not only is this a sure way to make friends, it's also a rare quality of good leaders.
3) Being constantly in crisis mode
Some people are always in trouble, always in the midst of problems, and always the victim. Take care that you don't reinforce these patterns in your life by always saying so. These may be genuine issues your going through, but they do not define you. Let your identity be built on who you really are, rather then the transient troubles you're going through. Friends are there to comfort you, but you end up tiring both them and yourself when you always come to them for help.
4) Neglecting your hygiene
This has to be said! Though few have this problem, those that do can end up going for years without knowing it... someone has to tell them, don't you think so? (Hmmm, perhaps a discrete share of this article on Facebook would do!) Bad breath, body odor and the like doesn't just annoy students and teachers, it can really cause serious impediments in your careers regardless of how qualified and talented they may be. Why is it that guys don't shower? I'm not sure, but it's definitely a fact; we tend to skip showers far more easily than girls.
5) Smoking
Argh. One more reason to quit smoking. Enough said.
6) Being rude or arrogant
When I joined my high school, I found out shortly afterward that I had somehow made enemies. I was completely perplexed by this phenomenon and couldn't understand why, till one day some one confessed, "Marc, you never say hi.". I was shocked - I had never intentionally snubbed anybody, but regardless of that, by not greeting them back I had given all the impression that I was not only rude, but to proud to associate with them. If I hadn't corrected this so quickly, I would have earned a difficult reputation to shake off! And if it so happens that when I cross your path I don't recognize you, please don't hold me to the same fault!
7) Being a know it all
You may know it all and that's good. But practice modesty. Give others the chance to look good! Sure, you should answer the the occasional question, but why not ask intelligent questions instead once in while?
8) Talking in class
On behalf of all teachers and students, if you're not interested don't go to class! And if you really have to express yourself, and this does happen, do it discreetly; a note, a text message, a look. Don't let the prof catch you though - some don't tolerate even that.
9) Always looking at your phone
When in the company of others, put your phone down and always apologize when you do have to take a call or check your texts. When you do this you demean the other person and are indirectly telling them they are not important to you. While this is certainly problematic during office hours, engaging in this activity in the presence of your girlfriend is far worse!
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| Courtesy of Flickr - Miguel Pires da Rosa |
1) Negative attitude, negative words
Nobody likes to be around complainers and naggers, the grumpy and grudgeful. These people carry their own personal thunder clouds above their heads and soak their companions till they are bitterly cold. Instead of berating your teachers, students or the place you're living in, decide to focus on the positive things you're experiencing. If you're prone to using vulgar speech, start making an effort to speak politely. One of the first negative things that'll strike me about a person is vulgar talk and believe me this will severely limit your ability to land decent jobs. You're in university to learn how to enter the professional and civil world. So act like it!
2) Always talking about yourself
The narcissist. We all love ourselves, at least I hope you do! Make sure to take the time to appreciate your peers, ask how they are, get to know them, and be genuinely concerned for their issues. Not only is this a sure way to make friends, it's also a rare quality of good leaders.
3) Being constantly in crisis mode
Some people are always in trouble, always in the midst of problems, and always the victim. Take care that you don't reinforce these patterns in your life by always saying so. These may be genuine issues your going through, but they do not define you. Let your identity be built on who you really are, rather then the transient troubles you're going through. Friends are there to comfort you, but you end up tiring both them and yourself when you always come to them for help.
4) Neglecting your hygiene
This has to be said! Though few have this problem, those that do can end up going for years without knowing it... someone has to tell them, don't you think so? (Hmmm, perhaps a discrete share of this article on Facebook would do!) Bad breath, body odor and the like doesn't just annoy students and teachers, it can really cause serious impediments in your careers regardless of how qualified and talented they may be. Why is it that guys don't shower? I'm not sure, but it's definitely a fact; we tend to skip showers far more easily than girls.
5) Smoking
Argh. One more reason to quit smoking. Enough said.
6) Being rude or arrogant
When I joined my high school, I found out shortly afterward that I had somehow made enemies. I was completely perplexed by this phenomenon and couldn't understand why, till one day some one confessed, "Marc, you never say hi.". I was shocked - I had never intentionally snubbed anybody, but regardless of that, by not greeting them back I had given all the impression that I was not only rude, but to proud to associate with them. If I hadn't corrected this so quickly, I would have earned a difficult reputation to shake off! And if it so happens that when I cross your path I don't recognize you, please don't hold me to the same fault!
7) Being a know it all
You may know it all and that's good. But practice modesty. Give others the chance to look good! Sure, you should answer the the occasional question, but why not ask intelligent questions instead once in while?
8) Talking in class
On behalf of all teachers and students, if you're not interested don't go to class! And if you really have to express yourself, and this does happen, do it discreetly; a note, a text message, a look. Don't let the prof catch you though - some don't tolerate even that.
9) Always looking at your phone
When in the company of others, put your phone down and always apologize when you do have to take a call or check your texts. When you do this you demean the other person and are indirectly telling them they are not important to you. While this is certainly problematic during office hours, engaging in this activity in the presence of your girlfriend is far worse!
Now it's your turn: Did I miss anything?
By Marc Mikhael, Ph.D.
The Apprentice's Compass - Navigate University!
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